[Incoming Transmission - CMDR FryingBullet - Time of Chaos]
[Star date 3303/09/02 22:03:622]
[Article – Fantasticon Revellers Couldn't Believe What Happened Next]
In a turn of events that shocked and gripped attendees at Fantasticon (a gathering in the Sol system of outlaws, undesirables and IT Technicians) the esteemed mascot of a major faction was subjected to a barbaric "hammering" at the hands of biscuit wielding loach fanciers.
Attempts to disrupt the bizarre ritual and put an end to the suffering of the rainbow farting prancer were fiendishly thwarted as it was all just too utterly hilarious for anyone to stop laughing. Everyone, that is, except for the equine at the glum epicentre of the ceremony who was described by onlookers as having "a long horny face"
With raised hands, CMDR Chuck Mondoace of the Pilots Federation announced, "This is all perfectly normal and is no cause for alarm". He went on, "This kind of Buckaroo baiting is considered a great honour in many quadrants of the bubble. Granted, not in this particular one - but an honour none the less within a mere 260 light years".
It wasn't just inflatable mallet wielding wasteland dwellers that were the prime tormentors. Hiperwave vid-cast celebrity Melody Shrub (Who rose to notoriety by consuming an entire cargo hold of Eranin Pearl Whiskey from a marooned Type 9) also waxed lyrical about the diminutive qualities of the pony's pink proboscis. This has led commentators to question exactly how she came in to possession of highly detailed dimensional bio-specs which is seen by many as convincing proof about the widespread use of Thargoid technology by those engaged in the sultry crooning profession.
The torture went on and on. Then it went on for a bit longer. It may have continued longer still until a shadowy figure known only as Don "The Don" Antongorgonzini announced that he had been involved in a catastrophic accident involving a fusion reactor, a railway train and his wallet. This had resulted in the bit-coin interface being effectively disabled at a local Alco-juice dispensary. The net effect of this being the complete and total disappearance of the assembled throng from the gathering. All that was left behind was a deflated lilo and a partially nibbled anchovy biscuit.
This has been CMDR FryingBullet for the Galactic Broadcasting Corporation
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